our railways !

And….erm the trip was oh-not-too-kay but interesting eh.
NRC’s sleeper was a total write-off and the officers on the
train kept explaining to us that Nigeria is in total shambles,
he said no system is working in Nigeria and he is surprised
that we expected the NRC to be different.
My Uncle expressed his disappointments with BIG BIG
outrageous grammar and it dawned on the officers that
Uncle’s Onyibo will kill them so they went to get their overall
The boss came, dragging his POT belly and when he saw my
uncle and saw his foreign ID card and all, he just changed
his Nigerian-I-don’t-care-look to Normal-We-are-sorry-we-
have-goofed-look and then explained himself, the state of
the country and the sorry state of things all over again.
And yes, this my uncle can talk for Africa so they talked and
talked and I just sneaked away with my cousins in tow.
So, I ended up at First Class(sitter), and it was cool afterall
cos we were in the first coach attached to the head of the
train, unlike the sleepers that was in the third coach,
shaking from side to side like a woman whose orgasms has
refused to end. I felt we were on turbulent seas plus the
smelly, non-ventilated and cramped space provided as
Later, the Boss got two of the sleepers with four beds
(meant for NRC officials) cleaned up for Uncle…and took us
on a trip down the ‘aisle of death’ where we had to pray
before crossing the space where one coach is joined to the
other (shoddily) and you can see the tracks (I still shiver
thinking about it) ….And when we got to the first economy
coach, we had to turn back because….erm…because the
place is an eyesore and a physical representation of the
state of the country.
Zero maintenance culture, suffer-head mentality, no idea of
normalcy so the absurd becomes the norm.
As usual, my Uncle( who have worked and lived in Illinois for
more than four decades) ranted and ranted about the sorry
state of things in Nigeria and he got an audience in the Boss
on board the Train who took us to his sleeper and regaled
us with tales of how corrupt the whole system is and how
there is no hope unless God intervenes. How he just got
transferred from the east and whenever he attempts to
correct the workers at Iddo, they say an Igbo man can not
flex muscles in yoruba land, so he keeps quiet so they don’t
give him names.
My Uncle got incensed all over again when we got to know
that the pressure-closet in the First class coach ain’t
working cos someone stole the pipe and NRC Engineers
haven’t been able to fix it.
The thought of alighting at stations to pee or short-put
brought another round of BIG BIG grammar bursting from
Uncle and he threatened to deal with whoever.
Well, those of my folks living in Naija had a swell time sha
cos we know that Big Grammar will not solve anything at all.
As for me, I finally got used to the whole thing and made up
my mind to enjoy my trip, after taking a vow never to go
anywhere with this my Uncle anymore, within Nigeria..in the
next 40years sha.
Long story jor.
I decided to stay in first-class sitter, all alone.
I met B ( another first-timer) or B met me and B made my
trip interesting…we shared everything and talked for hours.
Then cold almost killed me and I couldn’t sleep at all..
I also forgot to take personal pictures although I took
pictures of my folks at every stop.
I took pictures of Ziks tomb and some other places.
We got to my Village and our first stop was at the two
generals, living close to each other.
My Uncle hosts them in Chicago whenever they visit since
he works for the state government over there.
Visit was brief and on our way back, a soldier drove us
home…We got talking and exchanged numbers…I actually
have a thing for middle-aged men with grey hair and a
wealth of experience
So, my limbs ache from stress, my teeth from munching
meat and my stomach from red’s timely midnight visit.
I am also in a lazy mood, but I have to start a project today
and there is no going back now.
Lots of ♥♥♥ from the North….
This is me shining my
(Like B said on the train, God loves Nigeria so much, evil may
thrive but at the end, we will triumph and we will stand firm,
together as one).
And yes, I will take the train again but NEVER the economy
class. Do you get? Take the Train but pls pls, pretend there’s
no economy, use first class. Thank you.
Because…eh….because, you may have to short-put even in
First class coaches with faulty rest-rooms.
(Culled from a nairalander’s diary)


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