February 11, 2016 12 Replies
What Has Cooking Got To Do With Marriage?
Although I was born in Lagos, I was blessed to have an
aunt who took me to the United States when she was
relocating there with her family. I was 9 when we
relocated and although she did try to get me to like food I
just never had a large appetite. I considered eating a
chore and most times avoided food like it was a plague.
In, I majored in architecture and design and I would
spend several days studying and surviving on just biscuits
and orange juice. Because of my miserly eating habits I
took no interest in cooking whatsoever. The best I could
do was toast bread and fry up some eggs.
After college, my dad insisted that i visit Nigeria during
major holidays because in his words, “he didn’t want me
miss it in marriage”. I heeded his directive and on one of
my trips back home i met a guy who eventually turned out
to be the one. He was crazy in love with me and I loved
him desperately as well.
Once while we were dating, he asked me to boil rice for
him and i told him I couldn’t cook. He promised to teach
me but I let him know I wasn’t interested in learning. I
explained that I had gotten used to snacking and mostly
never ate anything that didn’t come in a box or wrapper.
He didn’t make a fuss about the issue and we forgot
We dated for about a year, then he proposed, I said yes
and we announced our engagement. He subsequently
asked me to move back to Nigeria and I did. The first few
years of our marriage was bliss. My husband would try to
make me eat by engaging me in food games and gradually
I began to eat but in small quantities. We would order
take outs or go to a restaurant. We tried a different place
every night and it was great.
Then we started having kids and my husband changed
360 degrees. He insisted that I had to cook for the kids. I
reminded him that I couldn’t cook and in turn demanded
that he hire a cook. He refused to and would instead
complain and nag all day long about me feeding our 2 kids
I honestly cannot deal with the stress that he has recently
been heaping on me. I have done my best and learned to
make rice and stew but he now wants an expanded menu.
I on the other hand want to return to the States with my
children and if possible my husband. Nigeria is so hectic
on its own not to now add the stress of cooking and
stressing about the house and all.
Would it make sense for me to suggest a relocation to my
husband? Obviously not just because i cant cook but
because of the kids education and the better life America
represents. Also if that plan fails what do I do? Must I
become a cook to save my marriage or can it work
without me having to cook all the time? Or can I use my
own funds to hire a cook? Will that suffice or do you think
my husband would be angry at this? Apologies, I have too