Category Archives: laff





Re: Caracta’s Shell by Caracta(f): 11:11pm On Jul 21

I had this friend in secondary school who was like a fallen
angel. She was born abroad (Canada, most likely) and both
parents were Doctors abroad (according to the story our
teachers fed us with). She was adored and almost everyone
worshipped the ground she walked on. As omo oyinbo, she
could get away with anything. She was the only person
allowed to wear white when we wear green on Saturdays
(boarding school). Yeah, daughter of doctors. Of course,
she had to wear white. Immaculate! We had students with
parents abroad but this one was so different because she
was born abroad! Big deal! Oh yeah!
BJ (her name) was the only student that had a cell phone.
Oh well! Her parents were doctors abroad! She could have
a phone. I remember the Samsung blue-light phone she
was using then. We would watch from afar and peep just to
stare at her flawless oyinbo skin. We nicknamed her “omg”.
Because her parents were doctors and because she was
oyinbo, students (aprokos) always find an excuse to talk to
her. She was a serial snub then so if she looked at you
twice, go dance round the Mango tree. If she smiles at you,
just die! It’s your lucky day. If she calls your name, just
disappear, your rapture has come.
Students go,
Student: Hi BJ, please i have headache. I have taken
Paracetamol but i am not getting better. (as per omo
BJ: Oh dear! (like one doll baby). Is it at the right side of
your head or the left?
Student: I don’t even understand. Everywhere. Serious
BJ: Omg! It’s brain tumor. The symptoms are: headache,
high temperature and dizziness.
Another student:
Student: BJ, please feel my tummy. There is this hard
round thing there.
BJ: Omg! It’s cancer. You gonna die. Say 7-8 months and
you are gone. I need to call my dad right away. Fetch my
cellphone. ( and the student runs to FETCH it) Ode
Another student:
Student: I’m on my period BJ. But this menstrual pain is
killing. I visited the school clinic and i was only given
Buscopan. Can you imagine? Please help me.
BJ: Does it squeeze you kind of? I mean your stomach.
Student: Yes. Seriously.
BJ: Omg! Your womb is dying. The cells have given up and
your body system is trying to revive them.
Then my turn (i remember this day very well)
Me: BJ, i woke up with rashes all over my body. See them. I
feel weak.
BJ: Omg! It’s HIV. You have HIV. Symptoms are: Headache,
rashes, dizziness, etc.
I didn’t believe her (i had to form na) but deep down, i was
mega-worried. There wasn’t much awareness about HIV
then but trust BJ to tutor me. She gave me a full-time
lecture on HIV. Even when i was tested and turned out
Negative, this oyinbo girl said it was window period. I was
very afraid. Year in, year out, i had series of HIV tests. My
brothers and sisters, years down the lane, i no get HIV o.
Today, i ran into BJ again. She was at my workplace. I heard
my name and i turned. Then she went, “omg omg omg
omg”. She is still the oyinbo girl partially. She didn’t wear
white but she looked really good. What a small world! I
teased her. I said, “BJ, i have headache o” And she said,
“Pele, headache no ni”. Simple and short!

Source : nairalander’s diary

dr grumpy

Questions? Comments? Biting
sarcasm? Write to:
pagingdrgrumpy [at] gmail [dot]

Note: I do not answer medical
questions. If you are having a
medical issue, see your own doctor.
For all you know I’m really a
Mongolian yak herder and have no
medical training at all except in
issues regarding the care and
feeding of Mongolian yaks.