Category Archives: Thoughts


I wish I was a foetus
I never would be bored
Sitting in my uterus
Swinging on my cord.

To worry obstetricians
I’d be a proper beast
I’d change positions on the hour
Transverse, oblique then breech.

To student midwives I’d present
A mystifying case
I’d hide myself inside the os
And leave an empty space.

I’d tie my cord into a knot
And wave it through the cervix
Id give the midwives such a shock
And laugh off all my vernix.

And when my membranes rupture
I’d be a right old pest
Presenting large diameters
I’d transversely arrest.

I’d tell my pal placenta
To get himself detached
To theatre then the lot of us
Would be pronto dispatched.

And when they start to Caesar
I’d laugh and think ‘tee hee!’
When no-one else is looking
I’ll come vaginally.



March 17

He wakes me this morning to talk of rice and beans he bought and I didn’t flip for.

Men love to seek appraisal for what should be norm for them, and when a woman does what she does, it is her duty, why does she need appraisal.

Had told him on 3 or more occasion that I’m not a white beans fan, even did that a week or less ago. Now you go to buy, and you buy this same thing, cause you like it. Well… we’ve had some things we agreed on together, time to execute, you go there, take whatever decision you want, and come home to tell me, and I should be flipping. Communication to me, is letting me know.

You once more made me know you are living in a hell with me. *sad face*. Why is it fair to give jabs that make one loose self worth. Do take time oh. I hold my tongue, cause I know what can be.
I read Prov 17:9. And that happens to be your birthday passage for me.

See this has given me a new energy. Been up since 2am.

Uncle I has a stroke, and I started selling H.

We need finances Lord, multiply all that we have, and let’s use it to ur honor and glory.

My mum, that can Dad get a pajamas for his birthday. Me, I’m like ‘let’s see how it goes’. Man that doesn’t know what birthday means for others, or have ever bought my mum a birthday gift, not to talk of treat.

Enough said. We thank God for the gift of life. Nairaland has been missed by me. So not interested.

Crashers of gethelp worldwide, una doh!


I felt it meant,’respond in case of any regrets, thus I’d only need to respond if I wasn’t attending. Lol

Now I’ve found its ‘répondez
s’il vous plaît’, literally “Reply if you please” or “Please reply”.

But neither the acronym “RSVP” nor the phrase “Répondez
s’il vous plaît” are used in current French to require
confirmation of an invitation.

In French,
however, the acronym SVP is used to write “please”, and
RSVP could be written “répondez SVP”.

Emily Post was an American author famous for writing about
etiquette and her writings aim to offer
a standard no more stringent than that tradition.

Late 20th
century editions building on her 1920s work say, e.g., that
“Anyone receiving an invitation with an R.S.V.P. on it is
obliged to reply….”, and some recent editions describe
breaching this standard as “inexcusably rude”.
Emily Post advises anyone receiving an invitation with an
RSVP on it must reply promptly, and should reply within a
day or two of receiving the invitation.

So am guessing there has to be a review, and a universally accepted implication for RSVP, coz… Especially in Naija when the meaning is so erratic. *cuts eye*

Anambara IMO River basin- erosion! who knows obiano?

I am Fidelis, I sometimes comment as Dat Igbo Boi. This
house is the only property my family has and my father is
late. The building is not even complete and the
irresponsible government of Anambra state now wants me
to be left empty handed in this world. Rain has been falling
unabated since last week thursday and the damage is
getting worse by the day and I don’t have a penny in my
account. The road is bad, The drainages are blocked and
nothing is working. Gov. Obiano does not provide a waste
management system and people have no option than to
turn the gutters into refuse dump. I hereby use this
medium to call on Gov,. Obiano to come and rescue me
because if I lose this house. I will commit suicide. Thank
See the sad photo after the cut/ credit:

movie review: The Oxford Murders

British movies can have their ‘edge’. The american cast himself was almost british! Lol.

Some comments on reviews had it that the movie lacked good scripting. Well, what can I say? It was not terrible.

However, the directing was not in ‘real time’, I remember when american cast was returning with his GF and was just onto the floor scattering pictures, and the next thing, the plane had taken off.

Yes its a mystery movie, we haven’t had anything like it in recent time. I loved the watch! Initially I had jump-passed selecting it when I wanted interesting movies, but when it was the singular movie left on my comp I hadn’t watched, had no option.
It added new things to me, and again a lot of the clues in the movie were too easy.

Beautiful one! U should watch!

EMinem to Caitlyn

Eminem was a guest on Sway’s show, ‘Sway in the
morning’, earlier today on Shade 45, a Satellite radio station
on Sirius XM which is owned by Eminem, to promote his
new movie with 50 Cent, “Southpaw”. He gave an 8 minute
freestyle where he took jabs at a lot of celebrities including
Caitlyn Jenner. He said:
“This a true statement, I see the bitch in you Caitlyn,” he
raps about Caitlyn Jenner. “I keep the pistol tucked like
Bruce Jenner’s dick/ No disrespect though, not at all/ No
pun intended… that took a lot of balls.”

An interesting read

From KFB
It’s Kemi Filani’s blog…

King of Satan: This Nigerian man is married to 57
women, youngest is 15 years old
Chief Simon Odo alias Onuwa, a herbalist, based in Aji
village, Enugu-Ezike, Igboeze North Local Government Area,
Enugu State is married to 57 wives.
Chief Simon Odo alias Onuwa, a herbalist, is based in Aji
village, Enugu-Ezike, Igboeze North Local Government Area,
Enugu State. In this exclusive interview with Daily Trust on
Sunday, Onuwa, who boasts of 150 grand children, says he will
not count the number of his children until he stops procreating.
His youngest wife is 15 years old. Excerpts:
How do you describe yourself?
My name is Simon Odo alias Onuwa in Aji, Enugu-Ezike. My
nickname is King of Satan. If you go to my cars, you will see the
inscription: King of Satan.
Why do you answer King of Satan as your nickname
King of Satan means that I am a traditionalist. I’m not a
Christian anymore. I was baptised as a Christian in 1956. And I
was a mass server between 1959 and 1960 and the evil and
wicked people
who didn’t want me to live, poisoned me with ukwaranta
(whooping cough) which I suffered for five years. Thereafter,
somebody kept poison for me and I marched on it.
Consequently, my right thigh (he pulls his trousers for the
reporter to see the deep scar on his lap) got lacerated for five
years and I was taken to another place for medicine. So I
decided to embrace the traditional way of life and I survived the
When the enemy wanted to terminate my life, I was still single.
So I survived the king of Satan. What I don’t do is bad
medicine. I don’t go near human blood at all. That’s why I
married 57 wives. My grandchildren are 150 in number.
Did you say 150?
Yes, I said 150.
Did you pay bride prices before you married your 57
Ok. I’m coming. (He enters the inner room and reappears with a
book containing names of his wives and children). You know
our community has taboos, if you go into fornication or adultery
in our place, your children will be condemned or you may go
mad. Here are the names of my children and my wives. The
names of my wives covered two pages of the notebook – Igbo
women are there, Yoruba women are there, Awka in Anambra,
every tribe is there.
Now, coming to your question, I paid the bride price on the
head of all my wives as tradition demands. Above that, there are
some of my in-laws, I bought cars for and also built comfortable
houses for them. Some of my mothers- in-law I built a bungalow
for. The wife that is next to my junior wife, I dashed her mother
Peugeot 406 car. I spend as from N300,000 upward whenever
I’m going to marry.
I don’t marry from big (rich) families. I marry from the poorest
families so that I can help them. If I want to marry a woman and
she tells me that she is from a well-to-do family, I won’t marry
her again. I suffered a lot in this life. As you hear the story of
Job in the Bible, I suffered like Job. This snuff I am taking now,
I started taking it in the year 1960 when I was in Standard
Three. The cough poison which the evil people inflicted me
made me to drop out of school at Standard Three. I hope you
know that Standard Three is not Elementary Three? Whatever
I’m telling you is the truth because you came all the way from
Enugu, which is a very far distance, to come and interview me
and so I will not like to tell you lies.
People say that your wives live like sisters from the same
mother. What’s the secret?
It’s not just that they live like sisters from the same womb but
they eat from the same plate. They cook in the same pot. My
wives don’t fight, they don’t quarrel. If any of them fights, I
sack her without wasting time. And when I sack the person, I
wouldn’t go asking for the things I spent on her head as bride
Has any woman left you under such circumstance?
If I sack my wife, I remarry. About seven have misbehaved and
I sacked them. But if the wife I sacked should repent and beg for
forgiveness, I remarry her.
How do you fend for a large family of over one hundred
Whatever question you want to ask me, don’t shy away from
such question, and I’ll answer you. Don’t ask me indirect
question. The way I take care of my large family is simple.
Thankfully, those I saved their souls, helped to solve their
numerous spiritual problems, usually come to do thanksgiving
here. And they help me a lot.
If you look round the compound, you will see vehicles parked
inside which they dashed me after I had solved their problems.
It is my destiny to help people. And it’s God that solves their
problems, using me as an intermediary.
How many children do you have?
I don’t know the exact number of my children. I don’t want to
count them until I stop procreation.
Are all of them going to school or do you train them in
other skills?
All of them go to school. I encourage them to go to school,
except if they don’t have the brain for that. Yet, you must have a
skill in my family. If you don’t have a skill, that means you
don’t want to be useful and I will chase you out of my family.
Of course, nobody steals here. You can’t be in my house and
decide to steal. Stealing is forbidden in my family. That’s why
no matter the size of my family, you can’t see any member of
this family stealing. If anybody from this family steals, the
person knows the punishment I will give him or her-I will kill
the person.
Do any of your children want to become herbalist?
None of them is showing such interest. They are not showing
interest in my kind of occupation. All I need to do is to bless
them so that God will help them in whatever they do. But I
emphasise to them, never steal anybody’s thing. If you steal, I
will denounce you as my child.
Isn’t it surprising that none of your many children, either
male or female, is showing interest in what you are doing?
In the first place, I did not learn this occupation. It’s my God’s
gift to me. Many of my children are pastors in The Lord’s
Chosen Charismatic Church. Many of my children are
Christians. But I used to tell them that whatever anybody is
doing, don’t allow abomination to come into it. Don’t use it to
perpetrate injustice or falsehood or impunity.
Who are your patronisers?
Those I help are many. When politicians who are aspiring to
positions come to me for help, I usually pray for them. But I
must emphasise to them that if God helps them to get to the
positions, they must govern well and they should not misbehave
with the public offices entrusted in their care. But where the
person gets into office and begins to misbehave, I am not to
blame, I only prayed for him, I am not God who gives position,
I‘m not God who controls the affairs of men.
How many bags of rice are consumed daily or weekly or
monthly in your house?
Truly speaking, some of my wives are well to do, they are
established and they are helping to carter for the family. But
when I want to go an extra mile, I provide them with bags of rice
two times or three times in a week. I am living with the young
ones, I’m almost 70 years. I trained the old ones who, in turn,
help to train their younger ones. Most people outside there
don’t know the trick: they think I am the only person catering
for the entire large family.
When you were in your 40s, for instance, how did you feed
them, especially in providing source of protein to the
I killed three, four, five cows every month to provide meat
which is a good source of protein for the family every month. If
you are in doubt, I can take you to the place I kept the skull of
the cows I have killed over the years, so that you see them.
Any of your sons a polygamist like you?
No, I don’t want to encourage them to marry more than one
wife. They must all marry one wife each because there is no
land to occupy more people. I built 15 different storey buildings
to accommodate members of my large family. As my child, if
you grow up, you go out and build your own house and thank
You married over 50 wives…?
(Cuts in) I married over 57 wives.
How old are you this year?
I was born in the year 1947, almost 68 years now.
And you decided to produce a whole community…don’t
you think you are causing population problems for the
No. The truth is that my father was the only son of his parents,
Papa bu ofu nwa. And he vowed that in his next coming
(reincarnation), he was going to have large family full of his
many children. And what he wished came to pass or don’t you
know there’s power in the tongue, in the spoken words?
Do you have regret marrying many wives?
No. There is no regret.
Assuming any of your sons should marry more than one
wife, how would you view such act?
If any of my sons marries more than one wife, contrary to my
instruction, he should go and buy his own land and build his
own house elsewhere. But as for staying in my compound with
more than one wife, it won’t work.
How old is your oldest wife?
My oldest wife was 56 years old before she died.
What about the youngest? How old is she and how do you
manage to…?
(Cuts in) Are you talking of the last one? She is 15 years.
Should I call her for you so that you see her? (He goes out to
call the youngest wife, Chidinmma. After this reporter has
photographed her, he asked her to leave) Very good of you to
have asked that question-the way I used to behave when I was
young is the way I behave now. I know where you are going to.
I know the question you want to ask. The vigour I used to have
when I was young is still in me now. I don’t have female
friends! I don’t have concubines. I don’t go after other men’s
wives. I face my wives only.
How do you feel marrying 15 year-old- girl who is young
enough to be your grandchild?
I am as healthy as I was when I was young because I don’t
bother myself with troubles of this world. I am not an enemy of
progress. I don’t envy anybody. I don’t begrudge anyone. I try
to go about my own way and mind my business. Sometimes I
drive myself to Lagos. What I’m doing is just a gift from God. If
you come here in the next 10 years, I will still remain youthful
as I’m today.
What is the secret of your youthful look?
I don’t eat the kind of food you people eat these days. I eat the
type our fathers ate. I eat our natural food. I don’t drink alcohol
and I don’t smoke.
You have never taken alcohol since you were born?
I stopped drinking alcohol in 1998. I used to drink a lot.
Why did you stop drinking?
Alcohol destroys man’s sperm. I am careful about my life and
that’s why I am alive today. I don’t eat a lot. Sometimes, I eat
once or twice in a day. One of the causes of sudden deaths these
days is: somebody will eat one chicken, drink a bottle of big
stout, or Gulder, Star and palm wine. Such eating and drinking
habit can kill early. But if you can avoid too much consumption
of all these stuffs and live the way God has created you, hardly
can you have health problems.
Do you go to hospital?
I do go to hospital. I go to see the doctor for check-up because I
have many wives. I don’t joke with my health.
People say you use juju to control all your wives so that
they will be obedient to you. Is it true?
No. There is nothing like using medicine or juju to control
them. A woman is like a dog that bites. Is there any juju you can
use to control a dog that bites? Tell me the name of such
medicine, please, if you know of any. It is just the gift and
wisdom God gave that I use in controlling them. I don’t use
charms or juju to control them.
One of your young wives, Ndidi, gave birth to a set of
twins. Has God blessed you with twins before?
I have been blessed with sets of twins, from different wives,
almost six times. Should I call the latest set of twins and their
mother, Ndidi, so that you see them? Ndidi Agada gave birth to
twins – Ebele Odo and Ngozi Odo on October 19, 2014.
What will you tell young men who want to marry?
I have always told my sons never to marry more than one wife
because if you marry more than one wife, how to feed them may
become a big problem. I will not live in the world forever. If
your father is a man who has a limited company, it doesn’t
imply that the son must have few accomplices.
What lesson would you like your children or other people
to learn from you?
Whatever you enjoy doing develop it and use it to help people.
If your gift is to trade, you face trading, if your gift is in public
service, you face it and use it to help people. If your gift is to be
a pastor, then you face it and spread the word of God. Some of
my children have money but when you are rich, you try and
help your fellow men. Some of my children are abroad.
Normally, when you go to some large families, you will likely
see some deformed people – imbecile, insane people, deaf and
dumb and things like that. But in my own case, God has blessed
my family in such a manner that such deformity does not exist
in my large family..
How do villagers see you?
They love me essentially because I’m not a liar. I don’t offend
people. I stay here and people visit me. My vehicles, at times,
may stay here up to six months without me driving any. I recall
when one Reverend Father and Reverend Sister visited me and
asked me why is it that I’m answering King of Satan regardless
of the fact that I’m doing good by helping people?
I explained it from the Bible.They said, please, Onuwa, leave us
to rest and discuss the reason for which we are here. But I
insisted they must listen to me. If anybody is answering King of
God, let him answer but as for me, I will answer King of Satan.
How many people did I dash cars? How many people did I dash
motorcycles? I bought 96 machines which I dashed out to
people and 10 vehicles which I gave out to help people. Have
you seen anybody I gave motorcycle got involved in an
accident with it? Or have you seen anyone I gave a vehicle and
he got involved in an accident with it? The priest was nodding
his head.
What advice do you have for the government and those in
leadership positions?
If you are a governor, govern well. Do not use your position to
suppress people, especially the innocent, poor people because if
any leader decides to oppress the poor, whenever such leader
leaves this planet, others will oppress his own children. People
in leadership positions should not encourage nepotism.
I told the vigilante people in our community that if you arrest
any of my children who is doing evil, just deal with him, don’t
say because he is the son of a prominent person, Onuwa, you
can let him go while you punish an innocent poor person who
didn’t commit any offence. Don’t use your high position to
snatch somebody’s wife or land or shed innocent blood so that
God’s anger will not come upon you because there is something
called the law of karma which still exists.